WHY WE SHOULD RESOLVE CONFLICT OVER COFFEE INSTEAD OF EMAIL
…or Text, or Instant Message, or Social Media, or…
Today, many church leaders are finding success by making ministry fit better into our culture.
Concepts are explained as being contemporary, relevant or casual; in order to reach the communities around us. I believe this to be the right mindset and a biblical one; as I read that Jesus used the culture around Him to teach the people.
Yet, our desire for relevance should not slip into laziness within our communication. The ability to pass information via text, email or social media can become a way for pastors to physically distance themselves from the people.
Don’t get me wrong. I am all for technology! However, there seems to be more meaning behind face-to-face communication.
As I’ve discussed before, being culturally relevant today is to ask someone, “you want to meet up for coffee sometime?” As I’ve also discussed, meeting for coffee has little to do with coffee and everything to do with relationship.
The Power In the Coffee Meeting
The coffee meeting really is the best mode of communication within our culture and should be embraced a lot more within the church. I understand that are plates are full enough, without adding another meeting.
However, even this week, I have seen a few examples of where a half hour coffee meeting could have saved a lot of miscommunication and heartache.
As a quick example from my life, conflict may be avoided and/or dealt with more efficiently if more coffee meetings were taking place. Instead, we tend to use other, less meaningful modes of communication (like email for example).
They do not adequately show emotion or vocal inflection.
Guilty as charged.
Once again, don’t get me wrong. I use my cell phone and email constantly. I hold a great appreciation for all forms of social media. Moreover, having friends and family all over the world, Skype and FaceTime are necessities.
Even though I know this principle, I get caught in it far too often.
I need to remember my own advice. There’s something significant and culturally relevant about meeting someone face to face, that makes a conversation that much more meaningful.
Join the Conversation, Leave Your Thoughts
In your experience, how has email and/or social media proved to be a poor conflict resolution tool?
Jeremy, that’s a great article. I’m probably close to being a technology junkie. I love technology. I love email and texts for communication, in particular when it comes to work-related items as I have a written something to go back to as a reminder. They’re also great for banter back and forth between friends. But are they the most effective method of communication for conflict resolution? Not usually.
Too often, when conflict is attempted to be resolved through email, it’s a quick response to a situation that is not necessarily a well-thought out response. Remember what we’ve all been told? To think before we speak. There really should be a new saying: “Think and reread before you hit SEND.” If circumstances offer us no other choice than to resolve issues through email, in those cases, I would highly recommend abringing a trusted confidant on board to review your communication. Ask them what they think you’re saying in the email. You may not be communicating what you think you are.
That being said, and though I’ve seen conflict resolved through emails, I still would not call them the most effective. As you mentioned, meeting face to face brings the vocal inflections and the emotional body responses. These tell so much more than words alone. Also, the fact that someone would carve out time to meet with you can show a dedication to keeping the relationship, which can, in and of itself be a move towards healing the relationship. It can show you care.
Besides that? I love coffee, so of course I think the world’s problems can be solved over a cup of coffee! 🙂
Thanks for your valuable time in leaving your thoughts Rosie!
In 3 John, we see a conflict has been brewing. Instead of writing words to address the conflict, John states that he will be showing up for a face-to-face conflict resolution meeting. If John, through great distances was able to wait and travel long distances to deal with it appropriately; surely we can do the same in our easy society.
Thanks again for blessing me with your encouraging words today!
this is such a no-brainer – you’d think people would get it. But no… emails fly back and forth and people leave the church without ever resolving the issue. Dumbest thing I can think of… hurts the body of Christ, hurts His reputation and hurts the people who won’t sit down over a cup of coffee and figure it out. Good post Jeremy!
Thanks for your thoughts and your willingness to read my writing Rod. I look up to you and appreciate your input.
As a guy who embraces technology, people often comment why I want to address conflict face-to-face or at least, over a phone conversation. The assumption is that I would prefer dealing with conflict via text, email or instant message. I just don’t get it.
Granted, I haven’t always been so wise with my communication. However, at this point in my life, being tech-savvy has shown me the daily the hurt that can be poured out in cowardly ways. It NEVER ends up well!
I clearly still have much to say on this topic…maybe another post is brewing. Thanks again Rod!