Desires for Connection Can Go Too Far

We all experience times of loneliness. Every one of us desires connection. And at its core, that’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s how God designed us. We’re built to long for relationships, first with Christ, then with others. Whether that leads to friendship, love or even marriage, our desires for connection can be beautiful and purposeful.

But sometimes, those same desires drift off course. Instead of leading us to God or godly relationships, they start pulling us toward temptation. What begins as a harmless connection can soon stir something deeper. Lust creeps in. And if we’re not careful, we act on it.

Before long, those desires aren’t just feelings. They become patterns. Habits. Secret choices that slowly unravel the life God intended.

Solomon’s Downfall and the Danger of Habitual Desires

In 1 Kings 11, Solomon is a perfect example of what happens when desires for connection are not checked by obedience to God. Scripture says:

“Now King Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh… from the nations concerning which the LORD had said… ‘You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.’ Solomon clung to these in love.”
(1 Kings 11:1–2, ESV)

God had clearly warned Solomon. But he ignored the warning. And it wasn’t a one-time slip. It was a pattern. Solomon ended up with seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines.

And just like God said would happen:

“his wives turned away his heart” (1 Kings 11:3, ESV).

The Fallout of Ignoring God’s Design

Solomon was called to lead Israel. To be a spiritual example. But his desires became distractions. His distractions became habits. And those habits led him away from God’s commands, and the calling God placed on his life.

Instead of being known as the wise king who honoured God, Solomon became known as the king who let lust lead. His life became a warning instead of an example.

Rerouting Our Desires for Connection

This is a hard truth to face. But it’s one we need. There will always be temptations. And they often show up out of nowhere. The time you let a conversation go too far. When you lingered a little too long. You allowed something innocent to become something tempting.

Maybe you’re in that place right now.

What should you do? Immediately, pray. Ask God to search your heart and reveal what’s really going on inside. Then start asking yourself the tough questions:

• Are my desires rooted in loneliness or lust?
• Am I forming connections that are healthy or harmful?
• Do I need to seek out a mentor or accountability partner?

Married and Lacking Connection

If you’re married, but you and your spouse are disconnected, there’s significant risk. Maybe there’s something relationally broken between you and your spouse. Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I need to have a hard conversation with my spouse?
• Are there needs and desires that aren’t being fulfilled in my marriage?
• Am I being honest about the attractions and temptations outside of my marriage?

Once you get honest, you can make changes.

It might mean cutting ties with certain friendships. You might have to set some new boundaries. There might be difficult moments of confession. Ultimately, it’s turning our desires over to Jesus and letting Him reflect to us what’s wrong and where we need to change.

Most importantly, remember that no human relationship can or will your relationship with Jesus. He’s the only one who can truly satisfy. Lean into Him first and foremost, and let Him guide you into every other relationship.

Join the Conversation; Share Your Thoughts

1. How do you curb thoughts of loneliness and desires for a deeper connection?

2. What practices have you placed into your life to prevent inappropriate relationships?

3. In what ways can you pursue a deeper connection with God today?