Those moments when you realize you need less work and more Jesus.

I recently completed a personal evaluation in the appendices of a book titled, “Resilient Ministry“. Completing the Emotional Life grid was the most telling. It’s time for some real talk.

To begin the evaluation, there was a fairly lengthy list of words like Encouraged, Stressed, Focused, Confused, etc. The requirement was to place a 0-5 score beside each word, then complete follow-up questions based on the rankings.

In short, I received a mixed bag of results.

First I scored my lowest numbers, a couple of zeros on the words “Confused” and “Overlooked”. At first glance, one might see this as encouraging, that I never feel confused, nor do I feel overlooked. But after completing the subsequent evaluation, the truth was revealed on why these words are my lowest ranking.

At this point in my life, I am very focused on what I need to do each and every day, in my home and family, and my leadership.

I’m not confused about any of it.

Truth be told, literally, I have personal and ministry to-do lists connected to all my mobile devices, along with calendar reminders, and an amazing wife and excellent assistant who are both gracious enough to remind me if something’s a miss.

Quite unfortunately, there is no room for me to be confused as to what I need to do next. From the moment I get up, to the moment I lay down, I can’t say my life is always predictable, but its planned and planned well!

Not feeling overlooked should give anyone the warm and fuzzies.

But it can be problematic. What if I’m not being overlooked means there’s no one to overlook me for? In our church, we’re in a season of growth, and struggling to find staff and key leaders. Don’t get me wrong! The growth is amazing because people are being impacted by the Gospel and growing in their relationship with Christ! This is why we do what we do!

That being said, the lack of key leaders in this current season means I get tapped for almost every question, comment and issue. I am never overlooked. It might make me feel important, but it’s not sustainable.

Now, looking at my highest numbers.

I had 5’s in the words “Useful” and “Challenged” because I feel very useful and I’m constantly challenged. That’s a good thing, right? Not exactly.

Much like my zeros stated above, these extreme highs are false positives. And before you think I’m being negative; the evaluation process revealed this truth.

Although I feel incredibly useful and challenged, it’s for the same reasons I’m not overlooked or confused. The lack of key leaders to share the wealth of growth brings me into almost every situation. There’s an ongoing tension between celebrating the growth, completing the work, and engaging new challenges.  

All of this leads to a bigger problem.

As you may have guessed from the title of this post, the subsequent evaluation revealed that my sabbath rest and personal worship has been and will continue to be negatively impacted.

Perhaps you can relate? Ever notice how the to-do list grows, the calls increase, and yet time remains the same?

The fact that I never feel confused, and never feel overlooked, points to an impending problem. I may enjoy feeling constantly useful and challenged, but I’m eventually going to push the boundaries of what I’m truly capable of.

Little by little, I’m losing margin that belongs to Jesus.

This next statement might sound odd for those who haven’t served in full-time ministry. But carving out margin for sabbath rest and personal worship is one of the greatest struggles for pastors and ministry leaders.

Slowly but surely, rest and worship take a back seat to the work of ministry. Often without us even realizing it’s happening. It takes an evaluation like the one in Resilient Ministry to give us a wake-up call.

Thankfully, every evaluation is followed with reflection.

I have a couple of weeks vacation lined up for next month. I was looking forward to it before this evaluation. Now I have even more to look forward to!

I will have ample time for focused prayer, reflection, study and meditation. Ample time for extended sabbath rest and personal worship. And ample time to make some decisions on what needs to change when I return.

Once again, if any of this has resonated with you, please comment below. If you’re not sure, why not get a copy of Resilient Ministry and start evaluating?