The Best Way to Resolve Conflict and Strengthen Relationships
Why Resolving Conflict Face-to-Face Matters More Than Ever
Today, many church leaders are striving to make ministry more accessible, relevant, and casual to better reach the communities around us. One of the most important ways to strengthen relationships and avoid unnecessary misunderstandings is by resolving conflict face-to-face. I believe this is the right mindset and a biblical one. After all, Jesus used the culture around Him to teach people.
However, our desire for relevance should never lead to laziness in our communication. The ability to send a quick text, email, or social media DM has made it easier than ever to distance ourselves from personal interactions.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m all for technology! But when it comes to resolving conflict face-to-face and strengthening relationships, nothing beats personal conversation. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way!
The Power of Coffee Meetings and Resolving Conflicts Face-To-Face
In today’s culture, one of the simplest yet most effective ways to build relationships is by inviting someone for coffee. But let’s be honest; it’s not about the coffee. It’s about the connection.
A coffee meeting is one of the most effective ways to communicate clearly, especially in the church. I know schedules are packed, and another meeting might feel overwhelming. But I’ve seen firsthand how a short coffee meeting could have saved a lot of miscommunication and heartache.
Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (ESV)
When we resolve conflict over email or text, the absence of tone and body language often leads to misunderstandings. A face-to-face conversation, however, allows for real-time clarification, emotional connection, and a spirit of reconciliation.
Why Resolving Conflict Face-to-Face Works Best
As I’ve already stated, I’ve learned this the hard way. There have been times when a well-intended email has backfired because the recipient misinterpreted my message. There have also been times when a quick text seemed harmless but left someone feeling overlooked or dismissed.
I’m guilty of choosing convenience over connection more often than I’d like to admit.
We need to remind ourselves that true, meaningful communication requires more than just words. It requires presence. Meeting in person makes a conversation more personal, more intentional, and ultimately, more effective.
Matthew 18:15 says, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” (ESV)
Jesus didn’t say, “Send an email” or “Post about it online.” He said “go and tell him” which calls for a direct, personal interaction.
The Importance of Overall Face-to-Face Communication
Technology is an incredible tool, but it should never replace real conversations. Whether it’s a conflict to resolve, encouragement to give, or a relationship to strengthen, take the time to meet in person when possible. A half-hour coffee meeting can prevent weeks of tension and frustration.
Let’s be intentional about how we communicate. Let’s prioritize relationships over convenience. And let’s not let the ease of technology replace the depth of personal connection.
Dive Deeper Into Scripture
Join the Conversation; Share Your Thoughts
- Have you ever experienced a conflict that escalated because it was handled through email or text?
- How has meeting someone in person changed the outcome of a difficult conversation?
- What steps can you take to prioritize personal connection in your daily communication?
Jeremy, that’s a great article. I’m probably close to being a technology junkie. I love technology. I love email and texts for communication, in particular when it comes to work-related items as I have a written something to go back to as a reminder. They’re also great for banter back and forth between friends. But are they the most effective method of communication for conflict resolution? Not usually.
Too often, when conflict is attempted to be resolved through email, it’s a quick response to a situation that is not necessarily a well-thought out response. Remember what we’ve all been told? To think before we speak. There really should be a new saying: “Think and reread before you hit SEND.” If circumstances offer us no other choice than to resolve issues through email, in those cases, I would highly recommend abringing a trusted confidant on board to review your communication. Ask them what they think you’re saying in the email. You may not be communicating what you think you are.
That being said, and though I’ve seen conflict resolved through emails, I still would not call them the most effective. As you mentioned, meeting face to face brings the vocal inflections and the emotional body responses. These tell so much more than words alone. Also, the fact that someone would carve out time to meet with you can show a dedication to keeping the relationship, which can, in and of itself be a move towards healing the relationship. It can show you care.
Besides that? I love coffee, so of course I think the world’s problems can be solved over a cup of coffee!
Thanks for your valuable time in leaving your thoughts Rosie!
In 3 John, we see a conflict has been brewing. Instead of writing words to address the conflict, John states that he will be showing up for a face-to-face conflict resolution meeting. If John, through great distances was able to wait and travel long distances to deal with it appropriately; surely we can do the same in our easy society.
Thanks again for blessing me with your encouraging words today!
this is such a no-brainer – you’d think people would get it. But no… emails fly back and forth and people leave the church without ever resolving the issue. Dumbest thing I can think of… hurts the body of Christ, hurts His reputation and hurts the people who won’t sit down over a cup of coffee and figure it out. Good post Jeremy!
Thanks for your thoughts and your willingness to read my writing Rod. I look up to you and appreciate your input.
As a guy who embraces technology, people often comment why I want to address conflict face-to-face or at least, over a phone conversation. The assumption is that I would prefer dealing with conflict via text, email or instant message. I just don’t get it.
Granted, I haven’t always been so wise with my communication. However, at this point in my life, being tech-savvy has shown me the daily the hurt that can be poured out in cowardly ways. It NEVER ends up well!
I clearly still have much to say on this topic…maybe another post is brewing. Thanks again Rod!