Facing the results is tough, but worth it.

Have you ever completed a personality or Spiritual gifts inventory? They’re a good news, bad news exercise aren’t they? On one hand, we get affirmation of strengths. On the other hand, our weaknesses are highlighted.

The worst part is when that weakness shows up in the results.

It’s that weakness you’ve always known about. Friends and family have highlighted it. You’ve been working on it for years. All of sudden, there it is again…

It stares at you, grinning, and you swear you hear a small voice say, “Remember me?” And for some reason it speaks with the voice of Antonio Banderas.

No? Never happened to you before? Just me? Okay, my bad.

Empathy

A couple of months ago I had to complete 4 different inventories as part of a leadership course I’m enrolled in. Yesterday, I met with my mentor to do an Inventories Reflection.

We unpacked my old friend, empathy. (Antonio chuckles mockingly.)

The Oxford Dictionary defines empathy as “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” To empathize is to “understand and share the feelings of another.“

In Western culture, empathy is often stated as, “the ability to put oneself in someone else’s shoes.”

As you’ve likely figured out by now, I struggle with empathy. I always have. When I think about putting myself in someone else’s shoes, I immediately think of ways to change those shoes into a pair that I like better.

I know. That’s not kind. But it’s my default reaction.

Understanding Vs. Sharing

Joking aside, I’ve been striving to become more empathetic for years. Having thought and prayed about it a lot, I’ve learned a few things. The dictionary definition has provided a lot of clarity.

“the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.“

It’s not that I don’t “understand…the feelings of another.” My struggle is to “share” those feelings. Understanding is the mental component and I can attach it to problem solving. Sharing is a matter of the heart and it just doesn’t come naturally.

Truth be told, sometimes I flat-out disagree with how someone else is feeling. I firmly believe they need to change their perspective. I want to explain, “Here’s your problem and here’s how to get over it!”

In case you’re wondering, that’s not empathy.

No Excuses

It doesn’t matter what our weakness is, we can’t ever say, “That’s the way I am. Deal with it!” It’s poor leadership and really, it’s poor Christianity.

God has blessed us all with strengths and we should leverage them for the Gospel and the local church. However, within our sin nature, we all carry weaknesses as well. They trip us up, frustrate the people around us and sometimes even hurt them.

There will always be that one weakness that causes us the most struggle. We can’t pretend it doesn’t exist. It’s always there and everyone knows it! We might as well acknowledge it and begin working on it.

Even If It Takes Years

Unfortunately, once we finally acknowledge it, it won’t change overnight. We’ll still have people bringing it up, highlighting it during confrontations, and it will eat away at us. Then it’ll start to hurt.

In that moment, the temptation will be to throw in the towel and start saying that old line…

“That’s the way I am. Deal with it!“

Don’t do it! Just apologize. Even if it’s the 500th time. If they love Jesus and love you, they’ll know you’re trying. They’ll come to embrace all of who you are. Even the weak parts.

For internal healing, allow Paul’s words to the Philippian church sink in.

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Phil. 1:6)

It might take years, but you’re on a journey towards perfection. Humbly allow Christ to mold you through each and every difficult experience. As you become more like Jesus, that weakness will diminish little by little.

Through Christ, one day, someone might even say, “That Jeremy Norton; what an empathetic guy!” (How do you like them apples, Antonio?)