Acknowledging and leading from our struggles.

Moses had a struggle with anger that brought him to murder in his younger years, and cost him entrance into the Promised Land later in life. Out of his sin, God humbled Moses and brought his leadership back into focus.

David had a struggle with lust that brought him to adultery, and eventually murder, as an attempt to coverup the initial offence. Out of his sin, God humbled David and brought his leadership back into focus.

Paul had an unnamed struggle.

Paul’s unnamed struggle brought him to write the following words to the Roman Church:

“For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me…Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?”

Romans 7:19-24 – ESV

And much like the leaders of the Old Testament, Paul explains to the Corinthian Church how God uses his struggle with sin to humble him and refocus his leadership.

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

2 Corinthians 12:7-9 – ESV

Acknowledging our struggle helps us lead with a limp.

This is the major lesson that I’ve been learning from Dan B. Allender’s book, “Leading with a Limp“. That every leader will struggle with sin on some level, throughout their entire life. And yet, how a leader positions themselves within that struggle will make all the difference.

There is always a temptation to deflect, minimize or deceive ourselves and the people around is. A temptation to pretend that our weakness and struggles don’t actually exist. But as Allender highlights; God calls us to the complete opposite.

“God loves reluctant leaders and, even better, he loves reluctant leaders who know they are frightened, confused, and broken…Troubled leaders live with their weakness on their sleeve, and it is through their weakness that grace comes to be magnified. Weakness is the big idea of the gospel, which makes it good news for us—who are not terribly healthy, happy, or holy.”

Allender, Leading with a Limp, Pg. 65-66

A limp that I needed to start leading with.

I understand the risk in going public, and yet its freeing all the same. If you’re reading this and just finding out that a pastor struggles with sin, I’m so sorry.

As I reflect on the limp (the struggle or weakness) that has pulled me down on more than one occasion. The limp that I have deflected and minimized more than any other. The limp that feels like the thorn in the flesh that Paul wrote about. One limp stands out above the rest.

Gluttony

Growing up in a Baptist church didn’t help this one. I mean, who doesn’t love a good’ol Baptist pot-luck; am I right? (jk)

In all serious, I can’t blame it on being Baptist. I developed an unhealthy relationship to food early on. As a child, whenever I was lonely, nervous or stressed, I used to sneak into the kitchen and steal food. It progressed as a teenager, stealing money from my parents to buy chocolate and pastries from the local convenience store.

Thankfully I found Jesus and stopped stealing, but the gluttony never stopped. And it was a fairly acceptable sin for Christians. So I earned my own money and bought my own food. Taco Bell received thousands of dollars during my high school and college years!

Unfortunately, the trend to eat when lonely, nervous or stressed has never really gone away. No matter how much I’ve prayed or tried to discipline myself, it has continued. I could label it a food addiction and in many ways I believe it is. But it stems from the sin of gluttony.

Of course, gluttony often leads to weight gain, which leads to insecurity, which leads to more loneliness, nervousness and stress. I soon realized that it might never go away.

My struggle with gluttony has humbled me.

Looking at my struggle through the lens of Allender’s book has pivoted my perspective. If I’m to be honest, there’s a strength that has increasingly risen out of my weakness, and has helped me become a better leader.

With every photo or video of my preaching and teaching, I’m met with a twinge of insecurity. Lots of thoughts fill my mind, but I must continually remind myself that the message is the focal point! The message to which I have been called to preach or teach is what is important. It’s not about me. It can’t be about me. It has got to be about Jesus!

This of course, with the caveat that I can’t just embrace a free-for-all, eating what I want, when I want. My physical health must still be a factor in my relationship with Christ.

I’m not the only one.

Not only has accepting my struggle kept me humble, it has provided so many opportunities to build relationships and counsel people inside and outside the church. The more I have confessed my weakness of gluttony, the more I have been met with people who are also struggling.

It amazes me, how hearing about a pastor struggling with gluttony, validates their emotional pain and aids in their battle with the sin. It becomes an encouragement and empowerment for them to press on; which is returned right back to me, in hearing their hope.

Ultimately, just like Paul highlighted to the Corinthian Church, I can see that Christ is depended upon and glorified out of our weakness. Allender sums this up best so I’ll close with his insight.

“Paul calls leaders not merely to be humble and self-effacing but to be desperate and honest. It is not enough to be self-revealing, authentic, and transparent. Our calling goes far beyond that. We are called to be reluctant, limping, chief-sinner leaders…He calls us to be a living portrayal of the very gospel we beseech others to believe.”

Allender, Leading with a Limp, Pg. 68