The Essential First Step in Effective Coaching and Mentorship

My natural response is often, “Let’s skip to empowerment in mentorship and listen later!” As an extrovert and an 8 on the Enneagram (the Challenger), listening has never been my strong suit. Truth be told, every disciplinary moment and performance review throughout my entire life and leadership journey has always included some form of constructive criticism of my listening skills.

Over the years, I’ve put a lot of coaching and mentoring energy into listening to those I’m called to serve. Thankfully, I’m better than I used to be, but I need to monitor my verbal processing (and my caffeine intake) constantly!

The Challenge of Empowerment in Mentorship

Likely due to the exact same Enneagram 8 personality traits, I have been told that I excel in empowering those I coach and mentor. Specifically when it comes to (1) finding their gifting and calling, (2) helping them solve a problem or (3) determining the direction for an important life choice.

Because I have experienced success in this area of coaching and mentorship, I often want to skip through listening to people’s stories or problems and jump straight to empowerment. This, of course, is a foolish endeavour.

Listening in Difficult Times

Over the pandemic, enduring constant division and polarization, my desire to listen slipped back into old habits. Graciously, the Lord had given me the perfect wife; Nicole is an introvert and a 9 on the Enneagram (the Peacemaker).

Nicole is great at listening and trying to find common ground. She helped me navigate a lot of the feelings and frustrations I was feeling in trying to lead, coach, and guide a church through what seemed like an impossible season. We got through it and I learned a lot!

“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

James 1:19

Re-engaging Mentorship and Empowerment

In 2022, we re-engaged our mentorship program at Mountainview Church, something that had been put on pause during the pandemic. This time around, Nicole and I meet with our mentees together in our home on the second and fourth Sunday evenings of each month.

This mentorship setting and system has continued each year with a new set of mentees, young Christians, ages 18 through 35. Within that setting, Nicole’s presence alone reminds me to be a listener long before I move to empowerment. Moreover, I’ve witnessed how coaching together has made an impact, especially on newly married couples.

The Joy of Mentoring Young Leaders

It has been both a blessing and an accountability for Nicole and me as we journey with them. We continue to learn and grow alongside our mentees, listening, supporting, and empowering each other in life and faith.

Outside of my preaching roles, mentoring young leaders has to be one of the most enjoyable and fulfilling responsibilities I have. At the end of every session, my internal ministry cup is overflowing!

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

Proverbs 27:17

Join the Conversation; Share Your Thoughts

1. How have you balanced listening and empowering in your mentorship experiences?
2. What strategies have you found effective in improving your listening skills?
3. How has mentorship impacted your personal or professional growth?