6 PASSION PRINCIPLES TO GUARD YOUR WEDDING NIGHT
What To Do Before You Say, “I Do!“
Let’s say you’ve set a high standard for dating. You have been faithful and the Lord has provided an amazing fiancé. You’re now engaged to someone who clearly loves Jesus more than they love you.
Jesus is first in your relationship. Well done! Smooth sailing all the way to the wedding day, right? (Not exactly.)
This week, we’ve been talking about competing with Jesus in our relationships. By choosing a Christ-centred partner, we follow Biblical instruction on dating and courtship, putting Jesus first.
However, just because we’re engaged to a Christian doesn’t mean the competition’s over. The competition has just changed.
Here’s what you need to know to make it to your wedding day (and not damage your wedding night).
1. Understand the Competition of Passions
Satan’s never impressed with Christ-centred couples trying to set their life up on God’s foundation. So he’s going to do anything and everything to break that down.
And sex is the key way to make that happen.
It’s at this point that the competition becomes a competition of passion. The temptation is to allow sexual passion for each other, overwhelm the spiritual passion to follow what Jesus calls us to.
Simply stated: Passion for Sex vs. Passion for Jesus.
2. Rebuke Worldly Thinking (and Advice)
The world (and unfortunately some Christians) will want to tell you, “Before marriage, after marriage; what’s the big deal if they’re engaged? Who cares?“
Don’t hesitate responding with the short answer: “The Bible says it is a big deal. And God cares, so I care.“
1 Corinthians 7 holds some great instruction for engaged couples.
“36 If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honourably towards the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married.” (1 Cor. 7:36)
Don’t miss those last 4 words! If the passion gets too strong, an engaged couple “…should get married.“
3. Resist the Burn of Sexual Passion
In 1 Cor. 7, Paul clearly outlines the competition between sexual passion for each other, and spiritual passion for Christ’s standard on the marriage covenant.
But if verse 36 isn’t clear enough, scroll up to verse 8 and 9 of chapter 7:
“8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Cor. 7:8-9)
The context of this verse is primarily speaking to widowers and widows (people whose spouses have died). Nevertheless, the last half of the verse can be applied to all unmarried couples.
The message is clear: Don’t burn with passion; get married!
4. Ask For Help
What if the temptation is too strong? Who can engaged couples speak to if they’re struggling? Can they turn to the church for help? Will the church ignore them?
Try to imagine this meeting:
An engaged couple books an appointment with their pastor. They walk in, clearly nervous. The young man sheepishly speaks up: “We need to move our wedding date up because we’re struggling. We’re afraid that we might not make it to the wedding night.“
Biblically, how should the pastor respond? Should he send them away because it’s awkward or uncomfortable? Should he tell them, “You should really speak to your parents about this.” (Because that’s any less awkward!)
The couple is fighting to keep a high standard in their relationship.
The pastor’s response should be, “I support you. What can the church do to help you? How can we hold you accountable? What other help do you need?“
5. (If Necessary) Move Up the Wedding Date
Are engaged couple allowed to move up the wedding date? Unfortunately, wedding plans often compete with the marriage covenant.
“Will the cake be done in time? Will the dress be ready? Will cousin Frank get time off work? Will we get a venue with enough space?“
There are dozens and dozens of wedding plans to be made. And they do matter. But they don’t matter so much, that a couple should risk starting their life together outside of God’s standard for marriage.
I’ll go back to the instruction for unmarried couples found in 1 Corinthians 7: “…it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Cor. 7:9b) It’s always worth moving up the wedding date.
And believe me; starting your life together under God’s standard will last way longer than anyone’s memory of your wedding.
6. Guard Your Wedding Night
In a post titled “(Almost) Everyone’s Doing It“, Relevant Magazine wrote the following:
“Eighty percent of young unmarried Christians have had sex. Two-thirds have been sexually active in the last year. Even though, according to a recent Gallup Poll, 76 percent of evangelicals believe sex outside of marriage is morally wrong.” (RelevantMagazine.com)
Clearly for most Christians, there’s no competition in their minds; Jesus’ plan for marriage is the better option. But for some reason, our unmarried Christians are losing the passion battle.
This is a problem that the church has to acknowledge. We can’t keep shying away from this topic. As a pastor, I have to face this dilemma head-on. As a pastor, I leave you with this:
Don’t follow the crowd. Don’t become a statistic. Choose spiritual passion for Jesus (and His marriage covenant) over the temptation of sexual passion. Don’t burn, get married.
Guard your wedding night.
