SMALL GROUP GROWTH – KEY #3: RELATIONSHIPS
Plan for small group success!
Over the past week, we’ve been looking at ways to make sure our small group ministry produces tangible growth this coming season. So far, we’ve covered the following:
Key #1: God’s Word – Taught, Explored and Applied
Key #2: Prayer – Given as Requests are Shared
Key #3: Relationships
A small group of one is not a small group. We need more people.
A critical component of small group ministry is that relationships begin, relationships are nurtured and eventually, relationships are deepened. But how do we create an environment where this can take place?
Give your group options.
Contact current and potential group members and ask them which days and times work best. As a leader, it shows humility to adjust your schedule to fit the majority of your group.
Whenever possible, keep people from choosing a small group based on current social circles. New members will always feel on the outside if everyone in the group has already established a clique (most times unintentionally).
Always serve food.
The most intimate environment in any household is the kitchen table. Regardless of the culture or language, throughout history people have been gathering around food and beverage for deep discussion.
Obviously, I’m not saying that we should have our small groups meet around the kitchen table. However, food and beverage will always assist the feel of the group. Even a plate of cookies and a pot of tea will be enough to break the ice and start the flow of conversation.
Bridge generation gaps.
One of the greatest relational components that can be fostered in the small group context, is the crossing of generational lines.
In an organic way, older members begin to mentor younger members. Moreover, younger members assist older members with our changing world, from tech talk to cultural shifts.
We choose to be vulnerable.
Sunday morning worship is generally not the time to be vulnerable. The church foyer is not the best place to engage in deep discussion. The simple environment of small groups will always assist with vulnerability.
This being said, not everyone will feel comfortable enough to allow others inside. Typically, this only comes through time and trust. But we as leaders can speed up this process.
We can choose to be vulnerable from the beginning of a small group’s existence. Granted, there is risk. Nevertheless, our groups will see our willingness to be open and in turn, will feel more comfortable to reciprocate that vulnerability.
What about kids?
The question of what to do with children is an ongoing discussion within the life of small groups. With the rising costs of child-care, some younger families simply choose not to be a part of small group because of this challenge. This shouldn’t be the case.
Some groups rotate caring for the children from week to week; usually in another room of the house (Caveat; close enough for worried mothers to make frequent checks without feeling like they’re disrupting the group.) Other groups choose to pool resources to pay for a sitter, either in the same home or another home.
Timing is everything.
This is another area where we as leaders must choose humility and adjust our schedules. Families with young children can’t afford to be out late. If this is not taken into consideration, a young families view of small group will move from a weekly time of rejuvenation to a weekly time of stress.
As we already discussed, choosing a time that works for everyone is very important. Small groups that start earlier will always be an attraction to younger families. Later start times will prove to be groups that are made up of families with teenagers and/or empty nesters.
Have dinner together.
A great way to get groups started earlier is to provide or arrange potlucks and carry-in dinners. This takes a bit of planning, but remember that food is always a good option.
The blessing that this will be on your group’s young families will be evident within the first few weeks. And remember, the older folks can always stay behind to get a bit more chat-time in.
When a group member goes missing.
There are times in the life of a small group when a member stops attending. Sometimes it starts with infrequency or tardiness, but it ends with someone eventually asking you (as the leader), “Why doesn’t ________ come anymore?“
Let’s hope you have an answer for them. But in order to have an answer you’re going to have to ask yourself and that person some difficult questions.
It’s time for a heart to heart.
As small group leader, you need to make the time to contact that member and take them for coffee or a meal. Find out what’s at the heart of their infrequent attendance.
Begin by showing that member that you deeply care for them and then simply ask them why.
When you ask why, be prepared for any response.
At worse case scenario, that response might be that you’re the problem. If you are the problem, here’s your next steps:
- Hear them out entirely without interrupting or over-talking.
- Apologise before you explain any other details.
- Whenever possible, bring in pastoral support.
- Pray for them.
If it’s not you, what is it?
Problems in small groups are people problems. Never underestimate how great or small the problem might be. However, some potential small group problems are as follows:
- The time is no longer convenient.
- The group is running too long.
- The individual is struggling spiritually.
- The group makes them uncomfortable.
- There’s a conflict with another group member.
And the list goes on…
Whenever possible, we as small group leaders must be prepared to take on each issue and deal with it, once it has been brought to our attention. What that looks like, depends on the situation and the people involved.
Seeking pastoral insight will always be a positive move. Speaking from the position of a Small Groups Pastor, I am always honoured to assist a small group leader, regardless of the situation.
Join the Conversation, Leave Your Thoughts
What does the relational component of small group mean to you? In your opinion, why are small group relationships so important?
