3 TYPES OF COUPLES WHO WANT A CHURCH WEDDING
From a Premarital Counselling Perspective.
The wedding, or how the wedding is planned, can give a significant foreshadowing of the type of marriage that is about to unfold. Specifically in relation to the church and the minister (pastor) who is being asked to officiate the ceremony.
Having walked through the premarital counselling journey with a number of couples, there are a few criteria that can change the experience completely.
I often find there are 3 types of couples:
1. The Couple Who Seeks the Appearance
“We don’t believe in Jesus, but we like the idea of a church and a minister.”
In this scenario, premarital counselling is completely foreign to the couple. They want to bail after the initial Meet & Greet because they don’t see Christ as a component of their upcoming marriage. They simple want the appearance of a holy matrimony, being married in the church, officiated by a minister.
Their life together is about them. The church and the minister become a type of good luck charm or tradition, that gives the appearance that all will be well in the years to come.
The risk is that they start their marriage union without understanding that it represents the eternal union of Christ and His Bride, the Church. The Gospel is not, and will not be present.
2. The Couple Who Seeks the Check-Mark
“We believe in Jesus, but we want to have a lot to do!”
This couple either comes from a Christian background, or knows enough about Christ, to know premarital counselling is important. However, this couple wants the fast-track program because they have other plans to attend to!
Premarital counselling becomes another check-mark in the checklist of wedding plans. It holds no more or less importance than choosing the venue for the reception.
The risk is that although they know Christ, they will not give Him enough time to reveal barriers that might prevent a successful marriage. They risk going into the union blind, not allowing the Gospel to truly reveal who they are as individuals, before they join as one.
3. The Couple Who Seeks the Permission
“We believe in Jesus, but we need to get married pronto!”
This couple, either because they have planned poorly or they’re legitimately “burning with passion” (1 Cor. 7:9), need to get married now! And Premarital Counselling to them, is a barrier that is getting away of their timeline.
This is a tough one, because there’s a Biblical precedence.
The risk is similar to the couple seeking a check-mark counselling scenario. Both of these couples can’t see the value of the process; that it will reveal helpful insights into each other, preparing them for the coming year, or years of marriage.
An option for both of these couples is to continue the counselling after the honeymoon, continuing Gospel revelation into their lives.
Believe In Jesus; Seek Him
Very rarely do we find the couple who have given their lives to Jesus, and have set a decent timeline to focus in on their relationship with Him and each other. I’m not complaining. I just found that once I became a pastor, the preparation for premarital counselling, or perhaps what I envisioned it to be, didn’t often hold true.
Instead, I would suggest that all couples choose to specifically focus on their connection to Jesus. That He remain top priority within their upcoming marriage, making all other wedding details as a secondary importance.
Suggested Resources for Soon-To-Be Married (and Already Married) Couples
Before I sign off, there are 3 books that I recommend every couple work through, either before marriage (within the engagement), after the marriage, or after being married for years.
